One Moment In Time

So before I begin I feel the need to say something about my titles. I have no real reason or method of choosing titles. My very first blog post this year I just wrote "The One Where...." and I decided maybe I would use that this year. Two posts later and I was totally sick of it. Today's titles is a song. It is also what I am writing about, but when I first had the thought the song exploded in my brain. That happens to me a lot. Songs explode inside my brain. It explains a lot about me...haha. So anyway, there is that, on the off chance that anyone wondered and/or cared about how I title things. I just do it.

(This is kind of what I mean except I don't MAKE the music, I just think about it)

So anyway, moments. I have been thinking a lot about moments the past few days. Yesterday I had a low day. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know why it was so bad, but it was just one of those days. I did not accomplish anything. I did not stick to any of my goals or plans. I wallowed and I was depressed. I kept having flashes of horrible moments.

The moment I learned my mom had cancer.

The moment they whisked my newly born nephew away from us because there was a problem.

The moment someone broke my heart.

The moment they turned away and choose someone else.

The moment she said something she could never take back.

The moment I found out he had died.

The moment he didn't keep his promise.

The moment....so many moments. I have been learning about myself that I have a problem letting moments like these go. Obviously they are a part of my life, they were, and to some degree, are important to who I have become. I need to get over them though. I need to stop being hurt by them. There are so many hurtful moments in my life that I think have reconciled myself to, that I have truly forgiven someone for, that I have moved on from. Yet whenever I am having a bad day, when I find myself lying alone in bed and wallowing...those moments haunt me. They will not leave me alone and I find myself feeling the hurt all over again. Everyone has these moments, but I wonder if everyone relives them the way that I do. I am trying to recognize them for what they are, memories, and not allow them to color my world today. Not give them the power to hurt me again and again.

I try to balance these moments with the many many wonderful moments in my life. So many that could and/or should discount the bad ones.

The moment I held Michael for the first time.

The moment I shared in their wedding.

The moment I realized how strong my group of friends really is.

The moment I saw the ocean.

The moment I traveled to a new place I had never been.

The moment I finish a great book or movie.

The moment a song touches me all the way to my soul.

There are many beautiful moments in life. I am trying to hold on to those moments, and to let the others go. Not to forget them or pretend they never happened, but to stop giving them so much power. Love and happiness are stronger than fear and sorrow. I want them to be in my life in any case.

 

(these are not my own moments but I love this. I am making a new goal for myself, to create one of these of my good moments from this year.)

July 4...Say it with a Song

Day four is to name a song that reminds you of a particular time or place. What song doesn't??...Okay if I have to choose one I will still stretch the rules a bit and say any song from the Abba Super Trouper album.

My parents had the record. When I was younger my sister and I would put it on and pull out the hairbrush (our microphone of course) and just sing and dance On and On and On (yeah probably no one got it but that is one of the songs).

I Can Be Anything...

So my next topic is...What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

Several things popped into my head -

Music. I swear I am totally a musician...and God forgot to give me the talent to go with it! Just...a mistake. I know I was meant to be a rock star. Or maybe a classical pianist. Or a Broadway star. So many choices. Sadly, I am not even close to any of them. Ah well.

Photography. I don't SUCK at photography. If you think I do check out THIS site which has made me feel SO much better about my attempts at taking pictures (and also makes me spit out my drink laughing!). I would love to be REALLY good at it though. And to be able to do it all the time. This is something that might have been feasible if I had started working on it earlier in life. These days my health doesn't make it possible except as a hobby. It is a good hobby, though, and mostly I am content.

Being a mom. I will never get the chance to be a mom. That makes me sad. I love babies so much. I love caring for people so much. I have, however, had the incredible privilege of being able to be a parental figure (guardian) to my nephew. Probably more than anything in the world I wish I could be great at that. I know I am doing okay, I know no one is just inherently GREAT at parenting. I know I got thrown into it at age 11 instead of age birth. I still wish I was better at it. I think every parent (or even Aunt/Uncle) wishes that.

Dieting. I am really bad at it. This is on my mind a lot right now as I sit at my desk trying not to eat all of the food I brought for an 8 hr day within my first hour at work. Sigh. I just love food so much!

Writing. This is one I need to work on more. I am a good writer, or so I have been told my whole life. I just have stopped doing it. I used to write for fun all the time. Then I went to college. My degrees in college were VERY heavily centered on writing academically. I was good at that too. Probably even better at that than at 'for fun' stuff. Since I have been out of school though I just haven't done it much. Getting into blogging more is one way I am working on that. I am considering joining a writers group a friend of mine has started. I am scared to commit to something else in my life right now (things are a bit beyond hectic) and I am scared that I will not be good enough to join the likes of her (she has been published...several times). It is something I want to get better at though, that I actually feel like I can work on. It is a goal to do something about it. I don't have a great track record at keeping goals but...maybe saying it publicly will help shame me into doing it!

Okay well there were five answers when I was only asked for one. What can I say, brevity has never been my thing! :)

P.S.
I spent today looking at some of my old pictures...I take it all back...Some of them ARE REALLY BAD!!! LOL...at least I can say I think I am getting a bit better...