One Moment In Time

So before I begin I feel the need to say something about my titles. I have no real reason or method of choosing titles. My very first blog post this year I just wrote "The One Where...." and I decided maybe I would use that this year. Two posts later and I was totally sick of it. Today's titles is a song. It is also what I am writing about, but when I first had the thought the song exploded in my brain. That happens to me a lot. Songs explode inside my brain. It explains a lot about me...haha. So anyway, there is that, on the off chance that anyone wondered and/or cared about how I title things. I just do it.

(This is kind of what I mean except I don't MAKE the music, I just think about it)

So anyway, moments. I have been thinking a lot about moments the past few days. Yesterday I had a low day. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know why it was so bad, but it was just one of those days. I did not accomplish anything. I did not stick to any of my goals or plans. I wallowed and I was depressed. I kept having flashes of horrible moments.

The moment I learned my mom had cancer.

The moment they whisked my newly born nephew away from us because there was a problem.

The moment someone broke my heart.

The moment they turned away and choose someone else.

The moment she said something she could never take back.

The moment I found out he had died.

The moment he didn't keep his promise.

The moment....so many moments. I have been learning about myself that I have a problem letting moments like these go. Obviously they are a part of my life, they were, and to some degree, are important to who I have become. I need to get over them though. I need to stop being hurt by them. There are so many hurtful moments in my life that I think have reconciled myself to, that I have truly forgiven someone for, that I have moved on from. Yet whenever I am having a bad day, when I find myself lying alone in bed and wallowing...those moments haunt me. They will not leave me alone and I find myself feeling the hurt all over again. Everyone has these moments, but I wonder if everyone relives them the way that I do. I am trying to recognize them for what they are, memories, and not allow them to color my world today. Not give them the power to hurt me again and again.

I try to balance these moments with the many many wonderful moments in my life. So many that could and/or should discount the bad ones.

The moment I held Michael for the first time.

The moment I shared in their wedding.

The moment I realized how strong my group of friends really is.

The moment I saw the ocean.

The moment I traveled to a new place I had never been.

The moment I finish a great book or movie.

The moment a song touches me all the way to my soul.

There are many beautiful moments in life. I am trying to hold on to those moments, and to let the others go. Not to forget them or pretend they never happened, but to stop giving them so much power. Love and happiness are stronger than fear and sorrow. I want them to be in my life in any case.

 

(these are not my own moments but I love this. I am making a new goal for myself, to create one of these of my good moments from this year.)