Childhood Toys - Things that bring me Joy Series

One of the very cool things I got for Christmas was a Fill-In Journal called 99 Things That Bring Me Joy. Each page gives me a topic and then a small space to list the things within that topic that bring me joy. For example, the very first one is "Childhood Toys You Loved". I have decided that while I am filling in the journal with basic answers, I will also - at least from time to time - expound on those answers in my blog. The space in the journal is just not very big and I love the idea!

I am not very blog-savy so I am not sure if I know how to set apart the particular blogs I write from this book in a "series", or if that is even possible but I will try to see if it is. Even if it is not, I will label each one so it is obvious that what it is.

As for today...childhood toys - what fun!

I immediately thought of 3 things

• My Bunny - when I was 5 years old my family kept an exchange student from Sweden for a year. We lived in Fort Hood TX at the time (not the most exciting place to stay now that I think of it!) and she was in High School at the time. I will be honest and say I don't remember if she brought the bunny when she came or if she bought if for me later but I know it was a gift from her. It was a LARGE bunny, especially for me at that age and I loved that she was almost as big as me. Mom had a dress in her things that at one point she was going to make for me but she had given up on - the basic dress was done but it wasn't hemmed or embellished. She gave me the dress for my Bunny. I loved it so much. I kept that bunny, IN THAT DRESS until just a few years back. Finally I had to admit that it was in such bad shape that no one would ever be able to play with it and it didn't really look good enough to lay out so it wasn't really doing anyone any good in a box in the attic so I threw it out. It was a hard day...I so love my bunny. Nope, it never had any other name.

• Lobelia - I lived a good deal of my young childhood in Germany and I was SO in love with the beautiful German dolls I would see in the stores there. They had on German clothes and they were just so pretty. I wanted one so badly but they were really more display dolls than dolls to play with and quite expensive. Right before my family moved back to the states (one of the times) a woman that was very close to my whole family bought each of us a gift and mine was one of these dolls! She had found one not quite as fancy so I could actually play with it but it still had the outfit on AND...it had red-hair! I loved her SO much and I named her after the lady who bought her for me, Lobelia. She was probably my favorite doll I ever had. That remained true EVEN after my little brother took a pen and traced every part of her face (her eyes, her lips, her nose...) I was very, very angry and heartbroken...but Lobelia was still beautiful to me.

• Nancy Doll - my Nancy doll was a stuffed clown I got randomly for Christmas one year. I don't really have a major story to tell about her except that I loved her. She had a plastic face but the rest of her was fabric and multi-colored. She had a tall pointy hat and her colors were like pinks and blues instead of the normal clown colors of like red and blue. She was so pretty.

These three were the first things I thought of, as I said. I also, of course, have many childhood books that come to mind. I think books and dolls were probably my 'toys' of choice. The only other toy I thought of made me laugh because it was a recorder. I don't think of it because I was a huge recorder prodigy or anything but merely because all 3 of my siblings and I played with that thing and somehow we found it to pass it on to my nephew to play with when he was young as well. My parents were NOT thrilled when that showed back up! 

A Joyful Grump

So my word for the year in 2016 was Joy. I don't think I have to even say anything before most people will laugh out loud. This year has pretty much been a disaster for everyone it seems! A crazy year at the very least. But the question is, as the year comes to a close, was I able, despite the craziness that was 2016 - to focus on Joy?

I think a lot of people who read my blog posts, or even who keep up with me via facebook probably doubt it. In fact I know there are those of you who worry about my mental well-being, and I appreciate the care for sure. The truth is, though, I tend to talk so much more (or type so much more) when I am down than when I am happy and the result is that I seem very depressed and/or very upset more often than I really am. I hope the reality is a little more balanced.

2016 has been...quite a year!

 The year began with me back in my home - and happy to be there! Also Michael began attending his home school campus twice a week rather than doing a total at-home home school curriculum. For me this was awesome news, it meant he was staying with me a few days each week! It was awesome having that consistent time with him again. He started out in my guest (aka empty) room on an air mattress but over the semester we were able to get it together and purchase a bed as well as decorate it for him with Doctor Who, Marvel and various other 'characters' he loves. It was a lot of fun.

When he went home for the summer I had another guest come and use my now functional guest space - my grad school roomie Katrina got a job at Trevecca (yay!) and needed to come to Nashville before the rest of her family was ready to make the move so we got to be roommates again for a short time. That was a lot of fun. (and apparently we took NO pictures during that month...)

Shortly after that, and much less fun, my Mom's cancer returned and she had a second brain surgery. The plan had been for her to only stay at my house for a few days but she had some complications this time and surgery was much harder on her. We ended up back in the hospital for an extra weeks stay and then she and my Dad lived with me for quite some time after that. Of course I am always okay with having them around but would have preferred much different reasons.

When Mom's strength returned they went back to Manchester, and then late this Fall my Best Friend Sylvia and her kids came to stay with me and are currently living with me in what is becoming known as a my "hotel". Haha. 

I love it actually. When I was growing up my parents ALWAYS had people staying with us. We kept foster children, we had an exchange student, my parents constantly opened our home to people from church and/or from their work...it is a natural thing for me to offer the space I have to anyone who has need of space.

So those are the biggest things that have gone on this year. Obviously some  of them were good things, some bad. But there has been joy found in each visit with each person. And there have been many other smaller things as well. Some highlights (not in any order at all):

Hosting book clubs at work (and Game Night...not pictured)

Having the Carters nearby again/getting to know Isaiah/Mira better

I finished the first draft of my book!! (No picture)

YALLFEST 

15 years at Trevecca

Michael learned to drive

Memphis trip with Karissa

Selling Premier Again

Visits from Grandma & Grandpa, and Jami & Kendall

Meeting Austin 

Karissa did an author talk at my library

Meeting authors Scott Westerfield (!!!) and Rachelle Dekker

             Meeting Baby Oliver

       

Elizabeth visits/Serious Selfies

Braylee's Birthday

Thanksgiving with Family

Hosting Baby Shower for Haven

My 2 Besties

Michael School Dance

Catching up with Jacinda and Kim

My Birthday

Okay....so I am going to stop now because I doubt very many people are even still looking. Obviously I love pictures...and I love the people in my life! I have a lot of JOY!! And it has been very good for me this year to focus on that joy and look for it in the midst of some very dark and hard times. Did I always succeed? Oh no. I was a downright grump sometimes, some of you might be thinking that was true more often than not...I don't know. What I do know is that even when I was grumpy I was aware of the joys in my life. I could find them, I could point to them and as often as possible I tried to document them. MANY are not even mentioned here simply b/c I know I don't have the space to do so. It was a hard year. I know not what next year will bring. I am still contemplating what, if anything, I will choose as my focus for next year. There MIGHT be another forthcoming blog about it. There might not too. We shall see. But in the meantime...be joyful!
Despite 2016, even because of 2016...be joyful!

Why Do You Feel Beautiful?

So there is a "challenge" going around Facebook...again....getting women to post 4 pictures that "make them feel beautiful". It is not the first time it has gone around, and before I go any further please know this post is in NO way speaking against ANY person who has participated in this challenge. I participated in it last time and I have no problem with anyone doing it! It just has me thinking.

Last time when I was challenged I wasn't positive I wanted to participate. I remember hesitating but ultimately deciding I liked the idea of encouraging women to find beauty within themselves. The challenge I was tagged in this time around was even worded in such a way that it said something to the effect of being beautiful the "way that I am". But is that really true? Why the need to find photos to signify that beauty then? That is what I have been pondering the past few days.

I have seen many posts in acceptance of this challenge - I enjoy seeing them. Friends in the moments that they find beauty in themselves...that is a good thing. But I begin to think about the moments that we choose. Some women choose very special moments - moments like their weddings or when they got engaged, or even moments like when they gave birth that are less classically "beauty" moments, but never-the-less special moments in time. Others, like myself, with less moments such as those to choose from picked from nights out or days they just got lucky and looked particularly nice so clicked that selfie after several compliments. Some choose photos with loved ones because the love of others made them feel beautiful.

Why do we need special moments in life to make us feel good about ourselves? I love those moments that I just spoke about above - and I adore seeing pictures of them. I wonder, though, why is it we need those kinds of moments to remind us that we are beautiful women. If only we could truly embrace the realization that we are beautiful the way we ARE. Every day, with or without makeup. No matter what we are wearing or doing or how we are feeling. Whomever we are seeing or spending time with. We are beautiful creatures.

Do I always believe this about myself? Almost never. Do I wish all the women in my life believed it about themselves? Absolutely!

My word for this year is JOY. I am seeking to find joy in the everyday. Even in myself. Probably in myself is the hardest of all for me. But instead of participating in that challenge and finding four really good pictures of myself I did something really hard. Before I began this challenge I asked someone to take my picture. Today. Right now. I feel like crap today. I didn't even make it to work till 4pm b/c I have been struggling with a headache for about 4 days now. Guess what? That is normal for me. I am not dressed up, I am barely wearing makeup, and I did not use any filters or have her stand at an angle that makes me look better. She just took my picture.

This is me. And I am beautiful. I might not feel that way, but I am. So are you. Be joyful in who you are! I am working on it...

One Word 2016

So for the past two years in place of resolutions on New Years I have chosen a word. A word to focus on through-out the year. A word to seek in the coming year I guess. The first year I did it I picked the word Honesty and...well honestly I didn't really get it that year. I think I sort of just picked the word and then forgot it for the most part. Last year I almost didn't do it again b/c of my lack of focusing or seeking in the first year, but ultimately I decided to try again and I choose the word Simplicity. I didn't just pick the word though, I read about it and I sought to find ways to incorporate it into my life. I actively sought it and that made all the difference. My life last year was not simple, but I was able to grab a hold of the idea of simplicity and let it ground me even when things were chaotic. I hope to continue doing that even as I move on to another word.
My word for this year is one that I feel comes naturally on the tails of simplicity. For me simplicity came to mean, most of all, seeing and living each moment for itself. Not getting too caught up in the bigger picture and in future (or past) worries but just living simply in the moment. What I want to do this year is seek ways, within those moments, to find joy.

So, yes, JOY is my new word for the year. It is a hard word for me to choose in some ways, and yet in some ways the most natural word of all. Natural because it has always been one of my favorite words. When I was younger I liked the song 'You've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart' that my sister learned in her Sunday School class - only I was too young to deal with all those complicated lyrics so I (apparently) just wandered around singing "Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy"....pretty  much all the time. My grandpa still sings it out sometimes when I come into the room. It makes me happy that he remembers me that way! And when I look at inspirational quotes or especially Christmas decorations I am always drawn toward the ones with JOY in them. In my office I have a sunflower painting with the scripture quote about having a Joyful heart. I just love the word joy.
But it is a double edged sword for me. I think the reason I am so drawn to it is because I don't naturally  feel it. I am not a particularly joyful person. In fact I am pretty much a downright pessimistic grumpy person if you want to know the truth. I don't know why, it is just how I am. I have always been that way. I am attracted to sad songs and I assume the worst about any and every situation. When I was a young teenager this caused a lot of angst for me because I believed for a long time this meant there was a problem with me. That I was damaged somehow, and that particularly I was not a good Christian because I did not feel this constant 'Joy' that other Christians claimed to feel. I have since realized that is not true, that we are not all alike and do not all experience things the same way. The relief, the joy even, that I felt when a pastor/teacher I trusted said the words, that some of us feel joy differently than others, is something I cannot begin to explain.
Joy is not the same thing as happiness. I really hate when I see the "inspirational" signs that say choose happiness. I don't believe that is possible. Things happen to us, things that we have no control over ,things that might very well make us very unhappy. It has taken me a long time to realize that I do not have to feel guilty for being unhappy about those things. My Mom has cancer and I am not happy about it. I have very poor health, that does not make me happy. Etc.. Etc. And in some ways those things are the reason I was hesitant to choose the word Joy this year. There are a lot of things that could happen this year that would make me very unhappy. But that does not mean I cannot have joy. I think I hesitate because I am afraid people will read this and then have an expectation of me being happier suddenly...not going to happen. Especially not suddenly! I am not seeking happiness (per se). I am seeking Joy.

I am seeking to live my life - just the way it is...unhappy parts and all...and find joy within it. I am seeking to be okay with who I am, where I am and what I do. A friend said she wanted to be open to just being okay with her life this year. That is exactly what I want too. But I don't think I do that very often. I think I overlook the joyful moments - not always, but too often.

So this year that is my word, and my goal. Not to change myself or my world in any particular way - although of course I hope I am always working to better myself consistently - but instead to focus on, to search for, and most of all to appreciate the JOY in life.