One Word 2016

So for the past two years in place of resolutions on New Years I have chosen a word. A word to focus on through-out the year. A word to seek in the coming year I guess. The first year I did it I picked the word Honesty and...well honestly I didn't really get it that year. I think I sort of just picked the word and then forgot it for the most part. Last year I almost didn't do it again b/c of my lack of focusing or seeking in the first year, but ultimately I decided to try again and I choose the word Simplicity. I didn't just pick the word though, I read about it and I sought to find ways to incorporate it into my life. I actively sought it and that made all the difference. My life last year was not simple, but I was able to grab a hold of the idea of simplicity and let it ground me even when things were chaotic. I hope to continue doing that even as I move on to another word.
My word for this year is one that I feel comes naturally on the tails of simplicity. For me simplicity came to mean, most of all, seeing and living each moment for itself. Not getting too caught up in the bigger picture and in future (or past) worries but just living simply in the moment. What I want to do this year is seek ways, within those moments, to find joy.

So, yes, JOY is my new word for the year. It is a hard word for me to choose in some ways, and yet in some ways the most natural word of all. Natural because it has always been one of my favorite words. When I was younger I liked the song 'You've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart' that my sister learned in her Sunday School class - only I was too young to deal with all those complicated lyrics so I (apparently) just wandered around singing "Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy"....pretty  much all the time. My grandpa still sings it out sometimes when I come into the room. It makes me happy that he remembers me that way! And when I look at inspirational quotes or especially Christmas decorations I am always drawn toward the ones with JOY in them. In my office I have a sunflower painting with the scripture quote about having a Joyful heart. I just love the word joy.
But it is a double edged sword for me. I think the reason I am so drawn to it is because I don't naturally  feel it. I am not a particularly joyful person. In fact I am pretty much a downright pessimistic grumpy person if you want to know the truth. I don't know why, it is just how I am. I have always been that way. I am attracted to sad songs and I assume the worst about any and every situation. When I was a young teenager this caused a lot of angst for me because I believed for a long time this meant there was a problem with me. That I was damaged somehow, and that particularly I was not a good Christian because I did not feel this constant 'Joy' that other Christians claimed to feel. I have since realized that is not true, that we are not all alike and do not all experience things the same way. The relief, the joy even, that I felt when a pastor/teacher I trusted said the words, that some of us feel joy differently than others, is something I cannot begin to explain.
Joy is not the same thing as happiness. I really hate when I see the "inspirational" signs that say choose happiness. I don't believe that is possible. Things happen to us, things that we have no control over ,things that might very well make us very unhappy. It has taken me a long time to realize that I do not have to feel guilty for being unhappy about those things. My Mom has cancer and I am not happy about it. I have very poor health, that does not make me happy. Etc.. Etc. And in some ways those things are the reason I was hesitant to choose the word Joy this year. There are a lot of things that could happen this year that would make me very unhappy. But that does not mean I cannot have joy. I think I hesitate because I am afraid people will read this and then have an expectation of me being happier suddenly...not going to happen. Especially not suddenly! I am not seeking happiness (per se). I am seeking Joy.

I am seeking to live my life - just the way it is...unhappy parts and all...and find joy within it. I am seeking to be okay with who I am, where I am and what I do. A friend said she wanted to be open to just being okay with her life this year. That is exactly what I want too. But I don't think I do that very often. I think I overlook the joyful moments - not always, but too often.

So this year that is my word, and my goal. Not to change myself or my world in any particular way - although of course I hope I am always working to better myself consistently - but instead to focus on, to search for, and most of all to appreciate the JOY in life.