Improving your vision can be a transition....or part 2 of my vision board

So i just have to say, I am SO frustrated that I cannot figure out how to get this background off my blog. I have changed the background to this thing TONS of times. The buttons I usually push (and that the help key is still telling me to push) are literally just not there anymore. So sorry about the background issues. Basically, I don't want to talk about it...lol.

I have been thinking about how I sort of jokingly used my real life vision issues as a title for my first blog about my vision board and it occurred to me that...it really works. For example...I am getting old and the glasses I have now are (shhhh) transition glasses. What does this mean? It means they are bifocals. Yes, I know. Old. BUT no one can tell they are bifocals yet except me b/c you cannot see the line from the top prescription and the bottom prescription. It is a transition from regular glasses to bifocals. To make it easier. It has been pretty great. Except every once in a while I will be going on my merry way -  learning to see the world in this new awesome way and suddenly I will turn to just the right (or wrong I guess) angle and look down at the ground and it is like the world is turned freaking UPSIDE DOWN on me. I am knocked over by a wave of dizziness and confusion and WOAH. That is quite a transition. That line between the old world and the new world can be a doozie...

It is kind of that way when you are trying to have a new "vision" for your life too I think. I mean it is easy to pick some words or pictures of what I want things to look like - and then you go out and you focus on those things and life looks new and beautiful and shiny. And then work and health and money and love and stress and life hits you at JUST the wrong angle....and knocks you flat on your ass. Transition isn't as easy as vision boards make it look. I just wanted to say that before I finish up telling you about my awesome words. I definitely know the truth of that and have already been facing it in the weeks since we made our boards. Which isn't to say I have given up on any part of my board or my vision  - I am just being real. In fact...that is one of my words so...let's get to it...

Vision Board Part II

Yes I definitely am posting the picture again so I can 

remember what I need to talk about....lol

Authentic Life: as I just talked about above - something that is SOOOO important to me is to live an authentic life. I feel like our world is filled with false ideals and that we are pushed to be InstaPerfect. I have no interest in that kind of life. I am who I am. I have SO many flaws. I do not want to hide them. I want to work on them sure but I don't want to pretend they do not exist. I also believe in a lot of things. Some of them are things that not everyone agrees with. Not even everyone I love. That can be REALLY hard. I do not like upsetting people that I love. I try not to. BUT being true to who I am and what I believe and support has become of UTMOST importance in my life. I will not pretend to be someone I am not. Not to impress someone, not to keep from hurting someones feelings and not to keep the peace. Not anymore. I did that for a long time. It is not living an authentic life. 

BE Healthier: this one is huge for me. I was very intentional about choosing these words and making the BE large and noticeable. A large part of me wanted to put GET skinnier. That is not my true vision for myself though, not in the long term. I would love to get skinnier. But what I NEED is to BE a healthier person. I need to BE mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. I need to be healthy about my choices. I need to be healthy every day. I don't feel good - many days. This month is Fibromyalgia Awareness month. I am also struggling with my health right now...a lot. I have several doctor's appointments coming up. But that is the thing. That IS being healthy. That is paying attention to my body and giving it what it needs. I can still be sick and BE healthy. It is not easy. I am even wondering to myself as I type this - do I really believe that is possible? But it is my vision...to BE healthy regardless of what happens. Would I love to get skinny and feel better in the meantime?Absolutely. But they are secondary. 

Smart is Beautiful: This is just a reminder to myself that I am never going to be what our society calls beautiful. I dont' agree with what our society calls beautiful though! It is so narrow and way too limiting. So many other things are beautiful too. Like smart people. 

Grow: Sometimes I am tempted to stay in my safe places. I like them. I have taken time on them and they are good. There is nothing wrong with having safe places but I need reminders to leave my safe places and grow. To see what and who and where there might be new good things to see and meet and experience.

Travel: I don't know what I can say here except that I am a gypsy at heart. If I had the money I would travel all the time. Or at least most of the time. I adored being on the road in the RV. I love flying in airplanes. I literally DREAM of cruising on a boat. Trains are a favorite since childhood. I have never had a car that hasn't gone over 200,000 miles. Whenever I have extra money I want to first think to give to others and then think to travel

Play: We all need to remember to take time to play sometimes. I tend to get so tired with work and the things I have to do in life that when I have extra time I only want to rest. Rest is SO important, but sometimes it is worth taking the time to just play and have fun. It renews you in a way that sleep never can.

Love my Wrinkles: Listen, I know that wrinkles aren't the best. I put on moisturizer every morning and an eye cream besides and strain my eyes trying to make sure there aren't new wrinkles there. BUT the truth is...I don't want to be like that. I have earned those wrinkles. I am 42 years old. I am not ashamed of my age. I don't want to be 22 years old anymore. UGH!!! I made it through that hell thank you very much. LOL. My vision for myself is of a woman who is who she is, and is comfortable with that. I am not saying I will never wear make-up again, but I am saying that I am going to try to use a few less filters on my pictures. It is okay if people see how old I really look. I really AM that old. And it really is okay b/c I really do love myself, wrinkles and all.

Others: There are some other things on the board. Some are unfinished, some I cannot quite read from the picture (the board is not currently with me). I know there is a picture of a person holding more books than he can handle - my dream boy! There is also a lovely reading nook - something I would love to create in my home, not exactly like that but still...There is a tiger - which was an impulse add - tigers are not a spirit animal or anything like that, but cats in general are, I love all cats and there is also a smaller cat pictured b/c I want/need a cat in my life. There are flowers just b/c I love the beauty of nature. There is a K b/c I love my name. There is the word 'mindful' but I wanted something more to go with it so that is not quite finished. There is a picture of an airplane near the travel word. There is a rose stem with lips for the rose b/c I am feeling very amorous these days - what they say about your 40's is true ladies! There is a quote that says something like 'Play the hero in your own story' which I love. There is a large 'Be Amazing' which just seems like good advice for us all. There is a typewriter that says Become a Famous Writer - I don't really want to be a famous writer but I do want to keep writing b/c I love doing it and it makes me feel good when I do. Likewise there is a camera pictured b/c I adore taking pictures even though the older I get the less steady my hands are and so the less good my photos are. There are berries and a bicycle pictured as they seemed to be good ways to achieve being more healthy. There is a phrase "Bless the Arts" which just sums up how I feel about the arts and the part they play in my life/vision for my life in general. And also...there is SPACE. There is a lot of space for me to have new ideas and new visions for myself. I hope I never stop developing my vision for me. I like the open space...I think I need it.

Asking for Help

I like to help people. I also like to be in control of situations,  pretty much all situations. Control is important to me. That means I do NOT like to ask other people for help. It isn't because I think lowly of those who ask for help, I don't. It isn't because I am afraid others will think lowly of me, I am not concerned about that really. It is simply because it means I am not in control of my own situation.

Lately I have not been in control of my situation much. My health has been very poor. I have had to ask for quite a bit of help. I have received it, quickly and without question. I am so grateful and humbled. And yet, here I am again, not wanting to ask for help. And yet, again, needing to.

I cannot afford to pay my doctor's bills for all of the appointments I have been having lately and especially for the sleep studies that are coming up next week. I simply do not make enough money. I need help. I hate that.

Thankfully I have Premier Designs as a secondary job - a way to, at least partially, maintain some control of my situation. I DO need help though.So this is me, asking for your help. Yep, YOU.

There are two ways you can help. I will be having a personal show starting right now - tonight - I am hoping to make it a really big, huge show so that I can take care of a large chunk of my medical bills up front. In order to do that I need everyone I know to make an order and/or pass the invite along to others and convince them to make an order.

The jewelry is gorgeous. The prices are very competitive. I know not everyone has it in their budget to randomly buy jewelry in late May...okay, but then please pass it along and find someone else who does.

The second way you can help is by helping me book some shows. I know I am not going to make enough money on this one show in the next two weeks...so that means I will need to have some more shows.

So...have a show for me. All you have to do is get a few friends together. Friends I don't know, or don't know that well are honestly the best - I need to reach out to new people.

OR...again, ask other people if they would be willing to have a show for me.

As an incentive:  Anyone who signs up to have a show for me from now through the end of July will get a free $25 jewelry gift card from me in addition to the hostess gifts they earn at their show AND whoever convinced them to give the show gets one too!

So....There is an event page on facebook. You can go there for specials and sales etc. OR  you can just go to this website
and then click on View My Catalog to see the collections - once you decide what you want - email me at KWardlow@trevecca.edu

Thank you all for reading this, for shopping, and for passing along my information. I appreciate your prayers for my health, your positive vibes that I can raise this money, and your participation in making it happen!

Much To Young to Feel...

This DAMN OLD!!!

Fair warning...this is a rant. A self-pitying rant that serves no real purpose except I am feeling pissed off and mad at the world tonight and...so I rant.

Today I saw a friend at Wal-Mart I haven't seen in awhile. We joked and I teased him about being older than me....and then I really had to take it back.

Shortly after seeing him I went and stood in the pharmacy line. About 10 minutes later I am at the front of the line and suddenly I realize...I don't have my prescription coupon thing with me...so now I have a full cart of things I have yet to purchase and I need to go to my car. My only option, go stand in a different line to buy THOSE things then come back inside and stand another 10 minutes or so in the pharmacy line again. WELL....then I find out that I didn't come soon enough to get my prescription, they have already put it back. So now I have to go stand in yet another line to re-order the prescription, wait "about 30 minutes" and then stand in the pharmacy line for the THIRD time this visit. Then, no joke, she tells me to use the coupon I have to go back to another line...

Seriously? When did I become SUCH an old lady. I forget things, I am confused about dates and it takes me almost 2 hours to make a trip to Wal-Mart...

And...it is pissing me off. I mean normally I just laugh at it. I did that today at first as well. What else is there to do right? But...I am so tired of it.

I am tired of being the one who is always sick, always sore, always confused, always cancelling everything, always....old.

I am 36 years old. I shouldn't need to be in line at the pharmacy to be getting medicine to prepare for a fraking colonoscopy.

I shouldn't be as far as I am ever going to go in my job - not because I there aren't things I would love to do, but because just getting 40 hours of work in per week is a major accomplishment.

I shouldn't be so sore I walk like I am 60.

I shouldn't have already lived through 2 back surgeries.

I shouldn't be lonely b/c I can never see my friends b/c I am too exhausted to do anything all the time.

I shouldn't be totally broke because I keep having unexpected medical bills.

I shouldn't be stupidly overweight.

I shouldn't have crazy rashes that come and go at random.

I just shouldn't be like this.

It isn't fair and I am so....sooo tired of it. I know there are SO many who have it worse. I know not every day will be like this day. I know I still have tons of blessings in my life.

I also know sometimes I am just MAD. Sometimes I am just so tired of it all. Tonight is one of those times.