Much To Young to Feel...

This DAMN OLD!!!

Fair warning...this is a rant. A self-pitying rant that serves no real purpose except I am feeling pissed off and mad at the world tonight and...so I rant.

Today I saw a friend at Wal-Mart I haven't seen in awhile. We joked and I teased him about being older than me....and then I really had to take it back.

Shortly after seeing him I went and stood in the pharmacy line. About 10 minutes later I am at the front of the line and suddenly I realize...I don't have my prescription coupon thing with me...so now I have a full cart of things I have yet to purchase and I need to go to my car. My only option, go stand in a different line to buy THOSE things then come back inside and stand another 10 minutes or so in the pharmacy line again. WELL....then I find out that I didn't come soon enough to get my prescription, they have already put it back. So now I have to go stand in yet another line to re-order the prescription, wait "about 30 minutes" and then stand in the pharmacy line for the THIRD time this visit. Then, no joke, she tells me to use the coupon I have to go back to another line...

Seriously? When did I become SUCH an old lady. I forget things, I am confused about dates and it takes me almost 2 hours to make a trip to Wal-Mart...

And...it is pissing me off. I mean normally I just laugh at it. I did that today at first as well. What else is there to do right? But...I am so tired of it.

I am tired of being the one who is always sick, always sore, always confused, always cancelling everything, always....old.

I am 36 years old. I shouldn't need to be in line at the pharmacy to be getting medicine to prepare for a fraking colonoscopy.

I shouldn't be as far as I am ever going to go in my job - not because I there aren't things I would love to do, but because just getting 40 hours of work in per week is a major accomplishment.

I shouldn't be so sore I walk like I am 60.

I shouldn't have already lived through 2 back surgeries.

I shouldn't be lonely b/c I can never see my friends b/c I am too exhausted to do anything all the time.

I shouldn't be totally broke because I keep having unexpected medical bills.

I shouldn't be stupidly overweight.

I shouldn't have crazy rashes that come and go at random.

I just shouldn't be like this.

It isn't fair and I am so....sooo tired of it. I know there are SO many who have it worse. I know not every day will be like this day. I know I still have tons of blessings in my life.

I also know sometimes I am just MAD. Sometimes I am just so tired of it all. Tonight is one of those times.