The C-Word

So this past month I have been going through what I can only call a "cancer scare". My mom has stage 4 colon cancer. She is currently doing awesome and is cancer free, but her having it means that it is more likely for my siblings and I to also get colon cancer. So last month when I started having abnormal bleeding, nausea, pain in my stomach etc. it was hard not to assume the worst. I went to see my doctor first, then she sent me to a specialist. They both agreed a colonoscopy was in order. Then I had to wait for that...all in all it took a month to get from on-set of symptoms to the procedure.

It was a long month. Truthfully I didn't really think that I had cancer. I am not sure why, I typically always assume the worst about my medical issues. I just didn't this time. But occasionally the fear snuck in. In some ways I had to let it in as I was trying to prepare myself in case it was in fact true. I was trying to get things organized at work in case I had to be gone for an extended amount of time. I was trying to get my house in order, my bills in better order (I cannot claim "good" order there!). It was almost impossible, I found, to prepare your life for cancer without thinking about having cancer.

I think it was maybe hardest for my mom, or my parents as a couple I guess. The thought of going through it again, of worrying about me...honestly I think that is a worse thought than I had of going through it myself. When I was worried it was mostly about - how would mom deal with it, how could I tell my nephew, would the family be able to go through it from the beginning...again? I don't say that to sound selfless. I know how bad cancer is. I hate the word. It makes me feel sick just to hear it or say it. I know I am not strong like my mom and that it would destroy me easily. I was scared for myself as well.

The good news...I don't have cancer. Turns out I just have some internal hemorrhoids (who knew that was a thing? Not me) and something called diverticulitis. Both basically have to do with my digestive system and essentially...I need to eat more fiber. Really? Eat more fiber? A month of cancer worries and...I just need to eat more fiber. Wow...

So I feel like I should have some big life changing comments or advice after going through this. Some new revelations about life I experienced. I don't. I guess I kind of already went through that when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and had to go through all the surgeries and the chemo etc. I already learned that life is too short for BS. Other peoples' and your own equally. I already know that every day is a gift, even the hard ones. I know to cherish those whom you love and who love you.

So...I am glad it is over. No cancer. Not now anyway. But I guess maybe the most important thing I learned, from both experiences, is that it would be okay. Even if I had cancer. That is just another kind of BS to live through. Life is worth living.

So go live it.