So it is New Years Day and I have many plans. I am full of good intentions and lists of things to get done. Today in particular, I decide, the Christmas decorations are coming down. The obvious place to start, my tree. My cats have, over the course of December, totally destroyed my tree. There are only 5 ornaments left on it (which was more than I thought there would be) and all of the branches are bent down instead of up or out.
It started off well enough. I had most of the branches off, my cats were busy jumping in and out of the box I was attempting to put the branches into and having a grand old time. Then it happened. One of the branches got stuck. I was twisting it and turning it, determined to get it out, and then my finger got pinched between the tree and the branch.
I dropped the branch and fell onto the floor in pain. For several minutes I laid on the floor, in tears. It hurt that bad. I spoke to myself out loud. "You are okay" I tried to convince myself, "You have fibromyalgia so it just hurts worse than it should. You are fine." When I finally felt I could I looked at the finger. I saw...nothing. No bruising, no blood, no discoloration or swelling. I simply pinched my finger. I made myself finish the job. The tree came down and into the box. I taped the box up, and then I ran to my room and collapsed into bed.
My finger was still hurting. In fact it was throbbing. My breathing was heavy and I could feel my heart beating too heavy and too fast throughout my body, but most notably in that stupid pinched tip of my finger. My whole body now hurt. My muscles, especially in my shoulders and neck, were tense and my head was pounding in time to my finger. I remained in bed for almost an hour. Not in that intense of pain the entire time. It slowed down and eventually reached a dull ache that was only in my hand/arm.
During that time, though, my brain kicked in. "How stupid" it taunted me.
"It is only a pinched finger."
"You can't even take a Christmas tree down, how do you think you can take care of this whole house?"
"You are pathetic"
"Stop being ridiculous"
On and on...
This is my disability. I am not confined to a wheelchair. I can see and hear and talk. But...some days I cannot take down a Christmas tree.
I decided this would NOT be the day I give up, though. I am writing this down and my pain is at a level where really only that finger is still hurting. I am going to go and watch some TV while it settles even more, and then I am going to continue taking down Christmas decorations. I might not get much done. I am sure this past hour could have seen more accomplished but...I pinched my finger.
Such is life.
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