Sorry...but not really

So if you are my Facebook friend, and I know most of you are, you know that I have been pretty discouraged as of late. And I have been pretty honest about that on Facebook. I have received an interesting range of responses to that.  First of all, I have awesome friends and family – they always send love and read my posts etc. So I want to say that off the bat. BUT I have had several people respond with everything from simply I am sorry to saying that they are worried about me. Several others have indicated I should not share so much of my personal life on Facebook, nobody really wants to see that. It is “not attractive” apparently.

You know what? Screw that. I know I am in a bad mood, I am the one in the bad mood. I am the one dealing with the crap. I know that my life could be MUCH worse and that I have many things in my life to be thankful for. None of that means I have a great life. So why should I pretend that I do? We are always posting things SAYING that we want more honesty on social media and that we shouldn’t just post our “Instagram ideal” life. When I actually do, however, I get side eye for it. Ugh. What do you want?

Listen, I am a very emotional person. When something hurts me, it hurts me deeply. When something is disappointing, it is really disappointing. This may be “too much” for some people…okay. I mean if you don’t like it - unfollow me. Super easy. I am not looking for sympathy. I do realize that many people who say I am sorry are genuinely sad I am struggling so please do not feel like I am calling you – I am not, I am just clarifying I am not doing this for sympathy and/or attention. I don’t need you to worry about me. I appreciate friends who care, but those who insinuate that I am unstable simply b/c I am discouraged annoy me like nothing else. And I am not a fake person. Maybe I should be. Maybe I would be more “normal” if I did that. Heck maybe things would even go my way more often if I just pretended. I never will. That is not who I am.

I even had someone tell me recently that I was over-shooting. In particular that someone I was interested in was a “long shot” anyway so really I should have seen it coming and not been disappointed. Again I say…screw that. I am who I am. Part of that is someone who sees potential – in people, in situations, in friendships, in relationships, just in general really (despite my current cruddy mood). While a part of me is tempted to agree with them – I should just stop trying, be satisfied with my life how it is and not reach for more, the truth is I could never be happy with that. I hope I never AM happy with that – even if/when things get better. We should always be reaching for more. And believing we can achieve it.

There have been many friendships I put a lot of work into that ended up with them walking away. There have been even more guys I have been interested who have not been interested in me. There have been jobs I have gone for, chances I have taken etc., and just b/c they haven’t always work out does NOT mean they were not worth it. And just because I get sad about something ending doesn’t mean I am not still glad it happened.

So…basically this is just me shouting to the world at large…stop trying to make me quiet. Stop trying to label my feelings as somehow bad just b/c they might negative at a particular point in time. I WILL be who I am. Sorry…but not really.