Even Heroes Have the Right to Rest

My Mom has had cancer for just over 10 years.
In that time she has had 8 surgeries.
She has been through 4 rounds of radiation.
I am not even sure how many chemo treatments.
There have been side effects and medications and falls and injuries and set backs.
And for the most part, no one has noticed. She has made it look...well easy. I have even mentioned before that we are lucky because compared to some her cancer has been "easy".
That isn't true. Cancer is NOT easy. It is hard and it takes a toll.

Especially since it went to her brain. She has now had 2 brain surgeries and 2 pinpoint radiation treatments to her brain. It has been very hard on her. And the cancer is still there. Currently there are 3 small spots residing in her brain. We cannot go back in surgically, we cannot use radiation on them. Both are too dangerous at this point. We went with the only option left - more chemo. It has been a nightmare. Mom has been sick, super sick. Most days it is a struggle for her to get up to use the bathroom. She still gets up and dressed whenever she has a visitor so most cannot tell how hard it is but every day gets harder and harder.

On Friday my Mom, with full support from our entire family, decided to stop treatment. No more chemo. Her body simply cannot take it anymore. She needs a break. She deserves rest. She cried making the decision, not for herself, but because she feared the rest of us would be upset that she was giving up. We have assured her we do not feel that way at all. Ten years is above and beyond any normal call to fight anything. I know I would not lasted this long or been this strong. She is, and always will be, my Wonder Woman.

Today she began hospice care in our home. They came this afternoon and met with her. The nurse was super sweet and supportive. She answered all of our questions and asked many of her own to understand what she could do to help Mom. Tomorrow they will deliver a new wheelchair, toilet seat, shower assistance bench and oxygen for my mom. They will also begin paying for most of Mom's prescriptions and from now on if Mom needs medical care we call them rather than the hospital. They have a nurse on call 24/7 and several doctors during regular hours. Mom remarked it would be nice if people could get this level of care before they reached this stage. I had to agree. It was hard to hear the nurse talk about my Mother eventually coming to a point of death. I don't like to acknowledge out loud that will happen, even though of course it will. I feel like somehow we shouldn't say it. I know that is silly though. This program is the right step. It is about making my Mom comfortable, and the nurse was quick to say they are happy to keep her comfortable for however long she lives. They are not interested in hurrying her death at all, but nor will they unnaturally draw it out. She does not want that. I would not either as hard as it is to admit.

So that is where we are. My Mom is in hospice. It is not a bad word. Scary? Yes. But ultimately the right move. She is where she needs and wants to be - right here at home and taken care of to the very best degree possible. Dad and I are here to be with her and help take care of her all of the time and now she is just focusing on resting and hopefully, for the first time in a long time, feeling better. For now she is taking a nap and when she wakes up we are going to have to ice cream. The nurses suggestion. After all, nothing that starts with ice cream can be all bad...