So this month I have been doing something amazing. Something I have talked about for 20 years, but never had the courage to actually do. It has been wonderful.
Many of you know I have been struggling with depression and realizing I needed to do new things and get out of my rut. One day at the end of last month I had decided I was going to attend an author reading at Parnassus Books. This might not seem like a big deal, but it kind of was b/c I didn't have anyone to go with. My book/author friend moved away last year and things like this just aren't really interesting to most of my friends. Well for me, part of depression is a social anxiety that makes going out hard. Going out alone...yeah, even harder. But this was an author I really loved and wanted to hear speak so...I was going to go.
Then I got a text from one of my Best Friends, Sylvia. It said she was auditioning for a play that her theater professor was directing at school and I should come audition too. That simple. Now I had two options. I could go, alone, to the author thing where I didn't have to do anything; or I could go, with her to the audition where I obviously would be participating. Pros and Cons obvious to both sides. I am not sure what made me choose the audition. I remember thinking to myself though that if I was going to do it, I was going to go all the way. I had not been in a play, or to an audition, in about 20 years. I was scared out of my mind. I don't know where the thought came from but I had this flash of an interview I saw once with Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor about Moulin Rouge. They were talking about how different of a part it was and how nervous they were about looking crazy. So they made a pact with each other to just 'go for it 100%'. I kind of made that pact with myself. If I was going to do this I wasn't going to be shy or nervous but really go for it.
Well I don't know if I seemed shy or nervous to anyone else but for myself...I went for it. 100% I had a crazy southern accent and I was loud and I had a BLAST. I fell in love with this one character in particular that was just a crazy lady. I just loved reading that part. And a few days later I got the email that said...I was cast as her! The truth is...she was the smallest part in the play. So it wasn't some huge accomplishment in a bigger sense but for me...it totally was. It was exactly what I wanted and what I needed.
The month of March has been....well basically insane. We have rehearsed every single night. I am the oldest person in the cast and my cast mates are all college kids. They sometimes drive me insane b/c they are very different from me. But they also have reminded me how much I love working with young people, and how much I miss that. One girl quit oh about 2 weeks away from the play...SO I got another part!!
I have to be honest and say I kind of freaked out a little bit. The part I fell in love with from day one was one thing...I had gone in 100% ready to be that crazy lady. Now they wanted me to be someone else. This was not a loud crazy funny lady. This part was the former beauty queen. She was described as an elegant, rich looking attractive woman. That is not me. My 100% faltered. I admit it. I was back to my no confidence, I cannot do, I am not her, what am I doing here with all these young, attractive, talented kids anyway self. But you know what? I didn't stay there. Not this time. These kids and this director and this play, it was too inspiring for me. I decided not to wilt this time. I might not be what the playwright had in mind. Heck I might not be what the director had in mind at first either, but I did it. I am doing it.
We had our opening weekend this weekend. It was amazing. I mean, not without it's issues for sure. it is a small Community College without a lot of funding or support. But oh my gosh I remember how much I adore the stage. I have fallen in love again with the sound of an audience's laughter. I have been overcome with love for my fellow cast members and the heart they have put into this little production.
I am the crazy pregnant lady that I fell in love with. She is easy for me to be. I am also the former beauty queen. She is a blast to play. I am Karla and I love being an actor! I am so glad I found those parts of myself again. They are all so very important to me.
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