A Gift From Mom

So this weekend I am in Indiana and most of you will be surprised as to the reason why.

I am here to see the band U2.

The reason this is surprising is that I haven't talked about it. I haven't announced it or had a countdown or even told anyone about it. My Mom bought tickets for myself and my Aunt Jami to go and see them before she died. I have been in awe since she did it. Tickets are NOT cheap. They are kind of a huge deal and I really just cannot believe she did it. I mean at the time we had no idea she would be gone when the time came. I know some will say 'oh she knew'. But she really didn't. She and I talked and she confided in me that she believed she would be around at least through another Christmas. We were all shocked by how sudden and fast the cancer took her - even her. But regardless of that, she just...did this amazing thing for me.

Now it may not be that amazing for everyone, after all it is just concert tickets. It is not like she bought me a house or something insane. But this is a huge gift that my Mom handed to me. And she knew it. This is my favorite band, and more than that, every concert I have gone to has literally been a life changing event for me in some way. I have seen them 3 times now - every time with my Best Friends Sylvia Fox and Jennifer Miller (or at least one of them!) and then one other time we all had tickets but I had to miss it b/c I was sick so they saw them without me (ugh....talk about worst night ever). Every time we go it is an EVENT. We keep making it a trip and we keep going back to the same place - Chicago. For me at least I think that is because every time it has been such a momentous thing that I don't even want to change it. They are our favorite band...well I say that, they are MY favorite band. There is a slight chance that I might push that onto my Best Friends. It is possible I do that a bit (Sylvia shut up, you DO love Doctor Who and Jen everyone knows you love riding those flying swings.....okay so in truth I am lucky they put up with me at all) but we DO all love the music and when you go to the one of the concerts it is amazing music but also so much more. I always come away feeling so....hopeful. So renewed with a sense of awe that there are good people in the world. There are people that care and that want to make the world better. Also with a huge sense of burden and need to be that kind of person and go and BE that kind of person. It has been different each of the three shows I have attended, but every one has changed me, shaped me and been an amazing experience for me.

I did not even tell Sylvia or Jen when my Mom bought these tickets. This time seemed immediately different. Private. I am not sure how or why but maybe in some odd way I am the one who knew. I don't know, that is crazy. But on Sunday I will be going to see U2 with my Aunt Jami in Indianapolis. My Mom wanted to thank me for taking care of her (what a laugh considering all she has ever done for me) and to thank Jami for all she had done for our family who was in Indiana over this past year. A lot of bad things went down this year and it killed my Mom not to be able to be more present for them, not to be able to help them herself. That is the person she was - the helper, but she couldn't. It gave her SO much peace of mind to know that my Aunt Jami was playing that role in her stead. So...she just bought the tickets. And so we will go.

My amazing friend Jenny made me a shirt to honor my Mom. It is the wonder woman symbol combined with the cancer ribbon that my cousin Bobby came up with and tattooed on his arm for her. I am too big of a baby for a tat so Jenny made me a shirt instead and it is amazing. My original intent was to wear it at the concert. I have decided not to. One b/c it is a bit tight on me. Not horribly, I can wear it but I would prefer to lose a little weight first. This is a really good thing. I think it will prove to be the motivation I need to STOP stress eating when I am missing Mom and get back to a more healthy diet. But WAY MORE than that I thought about what my Mom would want for me and Jami to get out of the concert. The truth is I will probably spend a good deal of the night in tears. U2 is emotional for me anyway. The Joshua Tree tour? Shut up....I cried like 3 times last time. This weekend....well get ready Jami! BUT if I wear this shirt I will think of Mom constantly, and I won't be able to stop crying. That is not what she would want. She would want me to soak it up...whatever THIS concert has to offer me. She would want us to go out and have an amazing night and relax and be encouraged and be challenged and be emotional and be US.

I am so grateful to my Mom for this unbelievable gift. I don't know how she knew I would need this incredible push back into the reality of living life to the fullest...but if anything can make me do that it is a freaking U2 concert. I am grateful to my Aunt Jami...for all the things my Mom wanted to thank her for and for being with me this weekend! My Mom adored you Jami...she was so glad her baby brother found you, and somehow she knew I would really need you this weekend too. I cannot promise you no tears, but I can promise I intend to enjoy this weekend as much as possible.

I love you Momma! Thank you!