Not Again

Some of you might know I grew up in Germany. My dad was in the Army and was stationed there so we lived there for most of my childhood. We were there from the time I was 2 months old till around 4 and then again from 2nd grade till 5th grade. I LOVED living in Germany. Well I don't remember that first trip much but that second time was so much fun. My parents chose not to live on the American Army base but rather we stayed on the 'German economy'. This meant we lived in an apartment building in a German town close to the base. We would walk to an actual town bus-stop every morning and meet the small handful of other American children whose families had chosen to do this and ride a bus into the base for school, and then come back afterwards. It was glorious. One of my favorite memories is that on the walk to the bus-stop there was a bakery.  The last leg of the walk (this was a long walk - bus-stops for kids now can be seen from your house...we walked very far away from home!) was down a hill and on the right side at the bottom of the hill was this bakery. The left side was actually our side and on the bottom of the hill we would cross the street and be at the bus stop. BUT on the good days we would stop at the bakery first! There was whole wall full of pfennig (penny) candy in the bakery so that is what we usually stopped for...a cheap piece of candy. Occasionally though we had more and could get a bigger treat. Then they Kinder Eggs....oh the best! Chocolate eggs with a toy surprise inside. My brother especially liked those! They cost an entire Mark though (basically a dollar here though the exchange rate is not that consistent). So we didn't actually have Germany money (or any money) that often but even when we didn't we could always smell the bread and pretzels as we passed that bakery. Oh man, that is a smell I will never forget!

I have memories of riding my bike in the fields in front of our apartments. And there was this path down one side that would lead to an amazing little wooden playground. There was an apple cart we would always pass as we walked to and from the park. And I remember one time finding vineyards when we were out biking! It was the coolest thing. Truthfully we didn't interact with the German people THAT often, because we didn't speak the language. But we lived among them so of course sometimes we did and somethings we picked up. I remember swimming at the community pool with German kids and playing sometimes at the playground with them. Probably the most interaction we had with actual German people came from our church. We found the most incredible church to attend when we lived in Stuttgart. It was run by a couple who were both preachers, one was German and one was American. So in the mornings they held a German service and in the evenings an English service. We had no building, just an apartment the church rented to meet in. I loved it! There were a few members who attended both services. In particular there were a set of sisters who actually lived in the same apartment complex as us and they were German so attended the morning services, but also often came to our evening services.

In any case I really enjoyed my time in Germany. One day my whole life was changed. My heart itself was changed. My family visited the concentration camp Dachau. You see horrible things had happened in Germany. I knew about them, I had learned about them already, young as I was, but the German people had kept this place as a reminder of the past. There is a sign, in fact, that says 'Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it' as you are leaving the grounds. Walking through that place where those atrocities and horrors had happened was unlike anything I had ever, or have ever since, encountered.  If you have never really taken time to let it sink in, you need to. Understand that I was there more than 30 years ago so I am sure my memory is not perfect. But the thing I will never forget is how that place felt. It felt cold. It felt quiet. It felt dangerous...evil. These people in that place where I was standing were completely dehumanized. They were treated worse than animals. They were beaten and starved and tortured and tested on. They were not even given the privilege of names. They were numbered. Can you even conceive of that? In death they held no meaning - bodies dumped together, one on top of the other and burnt in huge holes to make room for more. And the one room I literally still have nightmares about, they were occasionally allowed to have mass showers - but even that was a form of psychological terror because every time they went in they did not know if water to clean them would come out, or if it would be gas to kill them. Literally they stood naked and waiting, not knowing if it was for something that was a luxury or something that would cause unimaginable pain and then death.

So  I tell you about this memory of mine because when I left Dachau I was a changed person. My heart for Germany was changed as well and not in a good way. I was so heartbroken. I did not understand how this kind of evil thing could happen. I remember crying to my mother about it over and over, trying to wrap my mind around it. And the hardest thing for me, the worst part of all was the people. I could not deal with the knowledge that there were people living around me, grocery shopping at the same place as me, swimming in my swimming pool and even (this one was hard) going to church with me, who had been alive when all of this was happening. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to talk to them or acknowledge them b/c to me they were evil too. They were just as bad as the men in the pictures.  WHY didn't they help the Jews? Why didn't they stop Hitler? I just couldn't understand it. Did they agree with him? Did they too think that somehow they were better than Jewish people? My Mom suggested to me that perhaps they were simply afraid of him, but that was not better for me. There were so many of them I argued. If all the German people had stood up to him they could have stopped him, they could have kept that from happening. I struggled with that for years. I still struggle with it. I have known my whole life that I would never allow myself to be found on the wrong side of that kind of evil and hate. I have always tried to be on the lookout for it so I could fight for those being oppressed BEFORE it got that bad.

I never thought it would have the same name. I never in a million years though anyone would choose to put the mantle "nazi" back on. It sickens me. More than that I never thought that people in today's day and age would be confused by it again. So I want to just be very blunt people - this is evil. Pure evil. It is the not the only evil in the world, but it is one that we have already named, one that we know. I think, though that sometimes we have forgotten how horrible it is. I think we have made it easier than it is or should be. We love to share stories about people who saved Jews - and those are wonderful stories, don't get me wrong but when I read stories like that I always think to myself 'but there were so many more who weren't saved.' When the movie Schindler's List came out I was afraid to see it. I just knew it would take me back to the horrors of Dachau. I didn't know if I could go back there. Finally when I was in college a good friend was very kind and patient and got the movie and watched it with me, understanding my fears. We watched it just the two of us in his apartment and he was very understanding of my tension. There is a shower scene like the one I described above in that movie and when it came up I literally was just shaking and in tears, I was so upset. We paused the movie and almost stopped but the thing is, in the movie it was okay. In fact in the movie almost every character you come to know ends up okay. And it is a great movie - don't misunderstand me. And a great story. Thank God for people like Schindler. But we as Americans need to remember that there weren't that many Schindlers. There were way more people who just let it happen. When the movie ended the pit in my stomach was b/c the movie was too easy. Not enough people died in that movie. Not enough evil was shown. Nazi equals evil. Please don't forget that. Please don't give it any room to grow.
This isn't about statues - although let me quickly say about that while YES we need to remember our past we do NOT necessarily need to glorify it. In Germany the idea of a statue of Hitler would be not only ludicrous but even illegal. We absolutely need to remember all parts of our past. But not all of them deserve to be honored. I am sorry if it is "your" family or "your" history...it was the wrong side people. The wrong side does not deserve to be honored. The wrong side wanted to keep slavery. That isn't okay. Just like the nazi's are not okay. So that is what this is really about. I am sickened that our president would say that anyone who would identify themselves as a nazi could possibly also be a "fine person". NO. That is not true. Now listen, I am a Christian, I believe in forgiveness. I am not asking anyone to kill anyone. But they are not fine people, they are evil. They are CHOOSING for themselves an evil persona. That is NOT okay in anyway.

Please do not be the people that would allow something like 'nazi' power to happen. Even a little bit. Just please don't. My heart couldn't take it when I was a little girl. But this time my heart will not let me sit and let it happen. I will never be part of the people who sat by and allowed it to happen. So I am asking you - stand with me. Stand regardless of your political side. Stand no matter what you think about the statue issue. Stand while you keep looking at other groups as well and PLEASE stand against other groups as well. Just stand when you see this. Stand always against anything that calls itself nazi, because there is no question about nazi. We don't need to take time and get the facts. We don't need to know if they got their permits and were allowed to be there. It doesn't matter. Nazi is bad. It just is. We already know that. We always know that. So please when it comes to this we should always stand together and make sure it does not happen. Not ever again.