You Can't Know...Can You?

One of my best friends is a guy who is really awesome in a lot of ways but one of the things I appreciate MOST about him is how he tries to understand those who are different from him. He is a champion of fairness and equality for everyone and has taught me a lot about about what it means to do that. It is more than just saying you are for women's rights or African American's rights or Gay rights or whatever it is you are championing. It is about listening to those people, knowing those people, trying to understand what it is that they are missing. How they are being treated unfairly.

I remember one time we were talking about women's issues, though, and I threw up my hands in frustration (we weren't really fighting but we loved to argue about things...it was our thing) and saying "but you CAN'T understand. Not really. You are freaking white American male. You are never going to understand."

I have thought about those words many times since I uttered them. They weren't said in total seriousness. Sometimes our arguments led us (or at least me) to a point of simply wanting to win the argument so we would keep going past what we originally meant or intended. I feel certain this was one of those times. As I already stated I always felt this man in particular was a huge boost to the cause of women, as well as many other causes.

But I wonder if I wasn't right. I mean he can't know what it is to be a woman. It doesn't matter that he grew up with 2 sisters, or that he had many friends that were girls. It doesn't matter that he chose to read about and converse with women. It doesn't matter that he educated himself about what women face, he is not a woman. When push comes to shove, he can't know. Can he?

My friend Karissa wrote a blog entry about expanding her cannon (the sphere of influence on her life) the other day to include more diversity. She is actively seeking to include more stories, more knowledge about those who are different from her. I love that. I feel convicted by that to find ways to do the same thing. These days there is all kinds of news about 'others' that are really heart breaking. Others who are being shot in the streets and about their culture reacting in rage and anger that is built up from years of feeling so 'other' in this place, this country, that is supposed to be so equal. Others who are being killed and who are fighting in wars for freedoms that I don't even have to consider; freedoms I often don't even take the time to enjoy or embrace.

I am blessed. I am among the 'privileged' in our world. It is funny b/c I rarely feel that way. Somehow our culture is so out of balance with reality that it seems like celebrities are privileged. That those who make millions for playing football or singing songs are the really lucky ones and we are poor bastards that have to work for a living. That is not real life. We have homes! We have health care. We have bathrooms and running water and most of us have CARS. We are the lucky ones  people. We ARE the privileged. Those celebrities, that is absurdity. That is beyond privilege in the bigger picture of the world.

I have decided that as hard as it is, as uncomfortable and as sad as it is, I want to know what the others feel. I want to understand how angry it must make a homeless person to hear us complain about how our lawn needs to be mowed again. I want to embrace the reality that while I live next to many black people, they are still separate from my life and I don't even know why. I want to stop pretending like we are all equals in our country. I want to stop acting like just b/c the government sends aid to other countries we do enough.I want to stop living like if it doesn't effect my day to day life or my personal feelings it doesn't really matter. I want to know what life beyond myself is about.

I wonder if I can. I am just a white American woman. Can I really ever hope to know?