Blog Challenge...fail

So...I didn't really do the blog challenge. I mean I tried to do it and I wrote a lot of them but that was just a busy time for me and I found I didn't really care about finishing it so...I just quit.

I have been pretty down lately. I think I finally have realized (or maybe just admitted) why. Earlier this year I felt like things were headed in a really positive direction for me. I was feeling stronger and healthier, I was losing weight, I was in a good place in a lot of personal relationships, etc. I never publicly said or even wrote down anything, but I remember thinking back then that by this fall my life was going to be awesome. I really thought that by now some things were going to be happening for me that...simply put...are NOT.

That is a sad and frankly put humbling realization. I did not continue on that road that seemed to gleam ahead of me. Some of that is due to things beyond my own control, some of it is my own fault. But whatever the cause I am not where I wanted to be by now. So I think I have been sort of wallowing in that for awhile. Maybe I still am (this post so far seems pretty wallowish...lol) but I am ready to make some changes.

Some of the things I cannot change. I wish I could but...they are just not happening right now. So I am consciously trying to change some of the things I can. Some of them probably don't make much sense to a lot of people. For example right now I am bursting to make changes in my home. I am going to rearrange almost everything. I just need the freshness of something "new". A new start, a fresh look to go with it. So that is happening hopefully mostly this weekend. I also re-started using My Fitness Pal. When I track what I eat I always eat better...so obviously I had stopped doing that! :) But I am going to do it again. Going to do my best anyway! I am also trying to be more organized. I have started clipping coupons and shopping to sales and trying to save as much money as possible to pay off all my debts. I want to do more art (in whatever form) and push myself to be creative even when I "feel like" sitting around doing nothing.

Those are my new goals. I am not just thinking them inside my head, I am saying them out loud. I am starting to work on them. I cannot change everything about my life that disappoints me right now, but I can work on the things I can change. So blog challenge...total failure. New challenge...work on me.