Tomorrow is the first day of a new month. I am honestly not sure if I should say thank God the bleakest month of my life is finally almost over, or if I am scared to death to face the idea that starting tomorrow my Mom and I will never be alive together in the same month again. Every day hits me that way a bit. I am thankful I have made it through one more day, and yet sad to realize that another day has passed without her.
Everyone keeps asking how we are doing. I wish I had a better answer to give you. We are living. Each long day we make it through another. This week Dad and I dealt with all of the legal issues of my Mom's death. It is no simple matter, death. We had to call banks and numerous insurance agencies, social security and the phone company. We did thank you cards and returned dishes. We threw out the remains of the last of the flowers. We found Mom's will and filled out paperwork. There is only one major thing left to do, and that is to inform the military about her death. For some reason that has been the hardest one. We keep putting it off. Today we were ready to do it but my Dad was legitimately sick. He might have been sick at the idea of taking care of this last task, there is no way to really know that but...we did put it off one more time. He says he plans to do it early tomorrow morning (he always wakes up much earlier than me). If it is not done when I wake up then I will make sure it is done when I do. That will be it. Her death will be...finished. Now I feel a bit sick.
We do not know what will come next. I have filled out an application for an online job, but have not heard back from them yet - it is okay with me. I haven't felt like using my mind much lately anyway. We have talked about a trip West to see some family that wasn't able to attend the memorial and perhaps to spread Mom's ashes at her favorite cannon but...we haven't made any actual plans or even checked to see if that is a legal thing to do. But we are doing okay. We are doing more and more every day. Today I finally cleaned up my room. Earlier this week we took Daisy to renew her shots and Dad went to dispute a charge his dentist incorrectly sent him.
Little by little, day by day, life does go on. Sometimes I don't want it to. I don't want my Mom to have died last month, as if it is somehow less important now. But time moves on. In Nashville this week my kids at Trevecca started classes again. My niece in McMinville is turning 7 months old this month and my nephew Michael just started his Sr year of High School! There are still good things happening around us. Last weekend I went to a wedding of a sweet friend and saw many dear friends. I am waking up to life...or trying to.
Tomorrow is a new day, and a new month. Keep praying for us friends. But know that we are okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment