I confess...

So lately I have several times thought, "I should write a blog about that"....and then never given said thought or blog another moment of my mind. Truth is my mind has been quite scattered. I have had a hard time focusing , I guess because there are so many things to focus on. Thank goodness I am not a student right now, though I do miss that at times. Anyway. I keep having random thoughts of "confessions" I should make or thoughts I never share with anyone so here goes my attempt to remember them all...

I confess I am not at all in the Christmas spirit this year...
I enjoyed putting up the tree with Sylvia and her kids but I just keep thinking what a pain it will to take down. I know, bah humbug right?

I confess I hate how I look and feel right now but right after I decided (for the millionth time) to start eating better I came to work and finished off my bag (not individual size) of M&Ms

I confess I am super worried about my Mom's scans this week. I don't know why - they have been clean and no new symptoms, I just worry.

I confess I watched all the little kids playing at Austin's birthday party and missed the days when my nephew was so small.

I confess I also love that he is big enough to enjoy things like similar taste in movies and books with me now.

I confess I am more stressed out that I should be. Things are settling down in my life but I still feel tied up in knots inside.

I confess love working on my book but don't think it will ever be good enough for others to read. I think I am okay with that though. I feel pretty amazing about having written it at all. And now working to make it better is a process I never even imagined.

I confess I am envious of those with a family especially at times like Christmas, and yet when I get home at night and feel too exhausted to do anything else I am also grateful I do not have to let anyone down.

I confess I am totally broke and need to work on finding a way to sell my jewelry to actually make more money. I confess I mostly use it to get free/cheap jewelry for myself and friends.

I confess my head has been so full lately I don't even want to watch TV or read. I often find myself sitting in total silence during free time. It is like I am overloaded and cannot take anything more.

I confess I have not been a good friend or grand-daughter. I have not been calling my grandmother since my grandfather died. I have not visited my my dear friends who are like second parents to me who are gravely ill or even called a dear friend who recently lost a son. I confess I feel too emotional to deal with other people's grief. I am afraid I will lose control if I talk to them or see them. So through I feel horribly guilty I confess to avoiding them all.

I confess to feeling weak for most of these confessions. For wanting to be able to deal with them but not. I feel like I used to be a stronger person than I am currently.

I confess to looking forward to being 40. My 30's have not been kind to me. I am ready to leave them behind and have no hesitation about being older. I am ready.

I confess I enjoy shopping WAY too much. Even grocery shopping. It is a sickness and given my above confession about being broke it is an issue....

I confess I have kept HBO go just to watch West World. And I haven't decided if I am going to cancel it now or not. I mean seriously.

I confess I am still upset and confused by Donald Trump being elected president. It just doesn't make any sense to me on so many levels.

I confess that I know nothing about politics, and kind of hate them, but have discovered I seem to love a lot of TV shows ABOUT politics. I find that a little weird.

I confess that I have begun to notice lately that many characters in books, movies and TV that I do not care for...are the ones I am most like. Chew on that for awhile Freud.

I confess I know this is a pretty boring blog post and that I could probably keep going for hours so...I will stop for now. Kudos to you if you kept reading this long! Any "confessions" you want to make? Feel free to leave them in the comments...