Dear 16 Year Old Me

I haven't posted in awhile...I have been busy...buying my new house! Well and more specifically, moving into the house. I love it. Its little and cozy and green! Perfect for me! :)

So my next blog topic is....List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self if you could

1. It gets better. I was a miserable 16 year old girl. I had very few friends, and most of them were not really close. I remember on my 16th birthday that I tried to have a slumber party...and only 1 person came. And she was my older sister's college roommate....yeah. I was that lame. On the plus side I hung out with a college girl who ended up becoming a dear friend. But it was sad. I felt like the biggest loser on the planet. I mean of course truthfully I still feel that way some days, but I have learned it is not true. I have learned life ebbs and flows. I have learned that some friends aren't true friends. And I had a killer 30th birthday party. It gets better.

2. Kudos for being a nerd. Being popular in high school...really isn't important. It seemed important. I felt like a huge loser nerd. Turns out good grades and a solid intelligence level really IS worth more in the real world than fake blond hair and cheerleader outfits.

3. You do NOT know what love is. Love in high school feels SO important. I remember being totally in love with a boy in my choir. I imagined us being married and having our own kids in choir someday. I just knew he was my soul mate. I just knew it WOULD work out. Who cared if he never spoke more than 2 sentences at a time to me. Who cared if he was totally into my best friend. Who cared...blah blah blah. Thing is, while I cherish those memories and the thought of him will always make me smile, I am SOOOO glad I didn't end up with him. That wasn't love. I had no capacity at that time to know what love was. I am so glad for the opportunities being single AFTER high school gave me to learn about true love.

4. Life is never like TV/Movies/Books. Never. Ever. Ever. They are fiction. I am such a book nerd and for so long I lived off the untrue belief that one day someone would find that super charming and I would use my geekiness to save the world (or at least the day) and the most gorgeous man in the world would realize he really had loved me all along and....yeah, that doesn't really happen. Awesome things do happen. See above in "it gets better". But it is always really life. You constantly have to make choices and work at life. It is what makes it worthwhile.

5. You will be beautiful one day. I was amazed when I finally had my "moment" of realizing that I was beautiful. And I don't mean in that beautiful on the inside way either. I mean I looked at myself in the mirror one night and though "I am hot!"...and I was. I was beyond awkward at 16. It is a really hard time to be awkward. It feels like it is forever. It is not. I had my day, and it was SO much fun.

6. Being beautiful isn't the same as being happy. I did have my 'moment'...it was a few years actually. Guys noticed me, I bought crazy amounts of clothes and shoes because everything looked great on me and I had the time of my life. But really...it wasn't. The time of my life I mean. It was fun and I am happy it happened. I hope every girl has some point in their life that they feel that way. But it is not what makes you happy or not. Since then I have gained a lot of weight and am probably even less beautiful now than I was at 16...but I am still happy. I mean sure I want to lose the weight and I think of the 'skinny years' with wistful sighs...but it does not keep me from being happy. Happiness comes from within us,  and it comes from those around us, and it comes from grace and from all kinds of things...but not from being beautiful. I know a lot of really beautiful girls who are REALLY unhappy. I would rather be ugly and happy....trust me.

7. Your sister was jealous of you too. This one is huge! My whole child/teenhood was dominated by intense jealousy of my big sister. She was everything I was not. She was blond and beautiful and graceful and athletic and everyone loved her. It made me feel even more lame and different. I was blown away the day I realized that she spent that entire same time...being jealous of me. I was smart and good with adults and always picked for everything. I sang in church and got trophies for quizzing and...well you get the picture. The moral of the story is...the grass isn't really what is greener on the other side. It is just jealousy from whoever is over there. Everyone wants to be different than they are at 16. Everyone. Count on it.

8. Church actually does last forever. High school friends...regardless of what I thought at the time....did not last forever. And to be honest...I do not go to the same church any longer so neither did my "actual" church friends. BUT what I have realized is that growing up in the church means that you always have family.  You always have somewhere to go to not be alone. Even if you are going to a brand new church and no one talks to you (and yes that does happen). There is still the familiarity, the bond of being the church that you can always claim. Going to church at 16 was something I was expected to do, but when I look back now I know that all of my best friends and most real experiences happened there. And they still can. What a joy in a world that constantly changes and moves.

9. Be Confident! I had a music teacher in high school that literally yelled at me all the time to sing louder, speak louder, be bigger and more bold with my acting. I think I drove her crazy because I never really did. But as I grew older and learned more, I could always hear her yelling at me to be louder!! Be stronger! I always felt she was my personal cheerleader (or possibly drill sergeant) even if it was just in my head. Once I realized my voice was worth hearing, that I had things worth saying, that I could do important things...I changed so much! My life was so much better because I had the courage to live it. Thank you for yelling Ms. Wonders!

10. Be nice. It hurts when people take advantage of kindness. I felt like such a doormat for so much of my life. People used me because I was too nice to realize what they were doing. What I realize now is, that is okay. I am nice. I have enough grace to be nice even to people who are not nice back. That makes me better than them. It makes me pretty awesome. I might be a doormat sometimes, but I am also pretty awesome. Being awesome is nice, so be nice.


I am sure there are many other things my 16 year old self would have benefitted from knowing...but these were my gut reaction answers. And honestly, they are good reminders to my 35 year old self too.