Three Fears

The next entry on the list of 30 things is:

 Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

I am not exactly sure how a fear can be legitimate or not but here goes...

1. Willy Wonka
Yes I am totally serious! When I was about 5 I was at a friend's house and we were watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I don't remember what part or why but I got scared. REALLY scared. My friend's parents had to call my mom and she had to come and get me. To this day I have never re-watched that movie. I know in my head somewhere that if I did it would not be scary to me as an adult, that I would be fine. But I just don't want to! Every time I start to I just feel scared...so I never have! Not even the remake with Johnny Depp. I DID read the book, that was fine, I enjoyed it. But to watch it again...I just have no desire. Recently I went to a school event that had the character of Willy Wonka in it. It was WEIRD. I found myself both drawn to him and afraid of him! I could not stop watching him...but he totally freaked me out! It seems this is a fear that, silly as it might be, is mine for good.

2. Possums
UGH. I seriously hate to even see the word or think about possums. They are nasty and gross and SCARY! So where did this fear come from? Well when I was in high school we lived in a house with quite a bit of land that was all fenced in, including our driveway. So every time we came home one of us had to jump out of the car and open up the gate to let the car come in. Well on this particular day it was my turn I guess, or maybe I was just the one sitting closest to the door, who knows. I jumped out, it was night time and really dark and there right inside our gate was a standoff. My dog and a possum. A possum who was in that freaky weird frozen state...about to attack! I swear to god, it's eyes were glowing red!! It was the devil possum. It was SO scary. It didn't hurt me, and honestly I don't know what happened. I don't remember what happened. I assume my dog won b/c I don't remember him being hurt...I just remember the possum. I cannot even talk about or hear about one without having nightmares about them! I hate any animal that look or seem remotely like them. UGH. Possums suck.

3. This one is harder. I would say that my other big fear is not being good enough. I have always struggled with that. No matter how well I do with grades or music or whatever I happen to be doing, I never feel good ENOUGH. As I grow older I feel that more and more and in bigger and more important ways. I always feel I am a good worker, but am I good enough. I am a good friend or daughter or sister, but do I do enough. And most importantly I am sure, I try to be a good aunt, but can I be good enough to make a positive change in Michael's life. It is a haunting question. I am not sure it can ever be answered really. There is always something more we could have done, or maybe simply that we think we should have done. But will what we do be enough?...open ended questions like that have always intrigued me, and I guess to be honest, scared me as well.