Gold Star Baby

I particularly did NOT do New Years Resolutions, aside from my One Word , but I did set some writing goals for myself this year. They are very simple:

FINISH YOUR FREAKING BOOK!!!!

So if you know me, you know what I love to write and have always wanted to be a writer. However, I have a major problem with never finishing anything I begin to write. So I have been working on a story for over 2 years now, and it is an idea that I have had (in various forms) for over 20 years now and basically, I just really want to finish it. The truth is most of what I have written on it has been done in the past two years of NanoWriMo writing. I wrote 25,000 words in 2014, and then in 2015 I won (whoooooo hooooo) and wrote 50,000 words. Right now the story sits at 95,000 words. So that means that only 20,000 words have been written TOTAL outside of the 2 Novembers. So...that is pretty lame.

So I almost considered making my word of this year WRITE or NOVEL. But it is not who I need to be, but something I want to do, so I resisted. But in many ways I want to make this a year of writing. I want to work on this story until I finally have an ending. I want to give it to some writing friends and let them suggest edits (this scares me as much as ANYTHING I have ever done or contemplated doing) and eventually I want to have a completed novel. Something people can read. Possibly something I attempt to send to publishers. I am not sure I have that much confidence in my ability but regardless...I want to write a book.

It has always been a dream and I have decided...now is the time. This is the year. I WILL write a book.

One of the ways I am trying to help myself do this is to implement a means of reward and/or a feeling of an assignment for every day. When I was doing NanoWriMo there was a suggested word count for every day, and the computer would tell you if you reached it or not. Keeping up with that gave me a reason to sit down and make myself work on it EVERY DAY. I am not so good at pushing myself to do that (obviously). My writing buddy Karissa (who is way more of a writer than me) sent me a blog once about writing and that author said she kept a calendar and every day she met her word count goal she gave herself a gold star. 

This is my new goal in life....to fill my calendar with gold stars!!!

I have a calendar that is dedicated to ONLY this and it took a lot of looking but I finally found some gold star stickers and I am ashamed to admit that it is January 8th before I finally got to use one, but today I earned my first GOLD STAR of the year.

This picture brings me so much joy! I cannot wait to fill it up!I will give myself a star if I write at least 1000 words or (once the story is done) I spend an hour or more working on my manuscript in whatever form it needs. Those are not huge goals. I am not a full time writer, nor do I want to set impossible goals for myself. 

But I will finish this book.

 I will be an author. 

It is a dream I will not give up on!

I Did It

Next topic...What are your 5 greatest accomplishments

Hmmm...I have to say this one is hard. I have made several accomplishments, but I am not sure what makes any one of them greater than another. I think every day is an accomplishment these days! Haha. I guess I will try to think of the things of which I am most proud...

Buying a home this year - it is old and in need of lots of work, but it is mine. Well not really. Not yet. Technically it will be the banks for 30 years, but the idea is that eventually it will be mine. I was not sure I ever wanted to buy a house. I like being about to move around. I have never stayed in one location for very long. I always felt that owning a home would give me a panic attack because I would feel so stuck. Maybe that feeling will eventually hit me, but almost a year later, I still love it. I have a huge hole in my kitchen ceiling right now...but I am still proud of it. I am more broke than ever and I worry sometimes how I will be able to pay my bills, but it still feels right. The house is just my personality, just the right size...it just fits me. I feel like it is maybe the most "grown up" thing I have ever done. It is fun! :)

My education - I am proud of how much I learn to love. No one accomplishment in particular, but just more of my schooling in general. I graduated in the top 20 at my high school, Cum Lade at college, and now I have 2 masters degrees. I began a PhD program at one point but was unable to continue it. I love learning. I love stretching my mind and asking questions. I feel that every piece of knowledge I have gained (whether I use it in every day life or not) is an accomplishment.

My personality - okay I know that one sounds weird, but I mean it! As a child I was so quiet and shy. I never spoke up or had much to say about anything. Oh there are people who wish that had stayed the same! I am very proud that I learned to step out of my introverted comfort zone and become a social person. I make friends easily and ALWAYS have something to say...pretty much about everything! I think the big accomplishment there was realizing that what I had to say was worth being heard, that my contributions to the world were worth making. I am still an introvert, but a very loud and social one! :)

My job - this one is sometimes a double edged sword for me. For so long I felt incredibly guilty for not being in ministry. I got the degrees, I had the training and...I didn't do it. I felt like so many people had supported me and encouraged me and I had let them all down. I lucked into my job at the library. I had worked as a student library assistant and they were gracious enough to give me a full time position when I desperately needed a job. I had no intention of staying there. And then finally one day I realized...I loved it. I was happier with what I was doing at the library than I ever had been attempting to do ministry. Maybe that is selfish. I still have doubts and feelings of guilt about that occasionally. Overall, though, I feel like I have achieved something incredible...I have a job I love. I get to be on a college campus (I am a huge nerd...need the atmosphere!). I get to work with student workers (so not very different from youth ministry I assure you). I get to indulge in my passion for literature and especially YA literature. I get to help people. I get to teach. There are more things I could list but...these are things that I love. I get to go and do them every day. I consider that something to be proud of.

My friends - I may have no right to feel pride over how cool my friends are but...I do! I am a very passionate person. I love people quickly and fully and sometimes very naively. I just trust that friendship is true and that people have my best interests at heart, as I try to have theirs. Obviously, that is not always true. I have been hurt and used and stepped on. I feel pride in the fact that, I have learned the difference. That still happens to me, because I still put myself out there. I still trust and hope and sometimes get burned. I have learned the joy and necessity, though, of true friendships. I have a group of people that surround me that I do not have worry about trusting. I know they are real friends and real support and give me real love. Some never learn this and constantly live with the drama and heartbreak of fair-weathered friends. I feel proud that I have a group I can consistently turn to.


Okay...that is 5. I don't know that it is particularly the TOP 5 accomplishments in my life, but it is 5.