Updates and Changes

So...an update on Mom...well after radiation ended we had to wait 6 weeks before we could do a scan. We did and then the results were...kind of inconclusive. The doctor said there were some spots still showing up in her brain BUT they were so small he couldn't really say if they were spots or just left over scarring from the radiation. So Mom made the decision to just wait. She had an appointment to see him in one month, but the plan was to not do anything for two months...at that time we would have another scan and then go from there. In the meantime she made a trip to IN to visit her parents/family and was doing quite well. At first anyway. Then she started feeling sick again and struggling with the same cough she has had for....what feels like forever now. She has been coughing so hard it makes her sick even. So she went to a stomach specialist but he didn't find anything. We spent a few days (Easter included) at the ER. At her one month appointment  the doctor had changed his opinion about waiting. She started chemo two days later. We are only a week into chemo now. It has not been easy on her. She is doing okay but really tired and still struggling with the cough and being sick a lot. Keep your prayers coming.

Thanks to all who prayed for, and continue to pray for, my cousin Tina. She continues to do well but has had to have several additional surgeries. She still has a lot of rehabilitation ahead but her life is truly a miracle! I am so thankful she is alive and improving.

So...on to the changes. On that front I have a lot of personal news.

After 16 years, I have tuned in my resignation at Trevecca Nazarene University. That is probably the biggest one. I quit my job. Wow. It is crazy to even say it still. It will not take affect for some time now. I am on contract at the school until the end of June and will be staying at least that long - hopefully as they find someone new to fill my position.

So...I guess the obvious question is...what will I be doing? Ummm....nothing. Ha! I have decided I want to be a stay-at-home daughter, in as much as that is possible. I want to be more available to help Mom (and Dad if needed) and take care of things she is no longer able to take care of at the house. In order for that to happen I am going to be selling my house in Old Hickory (that is number two), quitting my job and living with them full time. I am looking into some work-from-home possibilities in order to continue to have some income as I will obviously still need to maintain my own health insurance and continue to pay student loans, and I will be pushing to really build my Premier Jewelry business (look for more on that soon), but other than that I don't want to do much. I just want to rest and spend time with Mom. I know it is a little unorthodox but...what part of my life hasn't been really? So...that is the plan.

Things are already in motion. Trevecca knows my plans (of course or I wouldn't be announcing like that). I am working on dealing with the house. Realtor extraordinaire Andrew Bradley is on it.  I am both excited and sad, ready and nervous. I will say though I have no hesitations in doing this. I feel an extreme peace about making these changes in my life. The timing has worked out perfectly. My yearly contract signing came up and I simply knew in my heart I could not sign. I needed to be somewhere else this year. I needed to be with my Mom and I needed to be at home giving my own body some rest as well.

Working at the library has been a blessing I never expected. It has been a chance for me to fulfill every passion and goal I had and some I never realized I had. I love working with my students more than I can express. My relationships with my student workers and other students I have had the chance to get to know are truly the highlights of my life thus far. I cherish and love each of them so much.They are some of my best friends and also those of whom I am so incredibly proud. There are not enough words to express the depths of what I feel. The library at Trevecca was NOT what I ever expected my call to minister to young people to look like, and yet for the past 16 years that it exactly what it is has been for me and I have been so very blessed by it. I have also learned from each one of my co-workers and grown in ways I never imagined because of my friendships and partnerships with each of them. I will never stop striving to be more and more like them in various ways. Let me just say that the opportunity to work under the likes of Esther Swink and Ruth Kinnersley is not something to be taken lightly. Both women are such strong and beautiful examples to me of who I want to be...not just as a professional, but as a woman and as a christian. Ruth's love and understanding as I have gone through issues in my family, having Michael move in and out of my life, my Mom's cancer and now this decision to leave have always left me stunned. She always has put my needs and my welfare ahead of her own concerns. I have known her first, and always, to be my friend.There are not enough ways to say thank you. I will miss working in the library. I will miss the books and the building and just the life of the library, but most of all I will miss the relationships - the community of my work life. I am so blessed it is so much more than merely that!

Working has been, though, hard on me as well. Any of you who read my blog know that I am not very healthy and that it is a constant issue for me. More and more the pain is getting in the way of my life and my ability to be productive or my best. I have had a harder and harder time being the person and worker I want to be because of the pain I have been in. So although this decision has MUCH to do with wanting to be with my Mom, it is also for more selfish reasons. I am in need of rest and a break. I am lucky to have parents who will say yes, come live with us and allow that to happen.I plan to take about a year off of "working" in the traditional sense and try to stay at home during that time. Then I will reassess and decide what comes next.

 I had no idea what my life was going to look like when I moved back to TN from Kansas City almost 17 years ago. I have no idea what is going to come next either.  I am not sure what life will look like in the future. I have no fear of that though. I am following my heart and doing what I know is best right now. It is what it is. The rest will come.